3 Ways to Be the Boss of Your Attention (without Meditating)!

I know, I know. Everyone is doing it. Everyone who is successful that is.

Meditation is all the rage in this super fast paced, distractible world. It is thought of as the holy grail to offset all of the ills of modern attention-sucking living.

But is meditation the only way to be the boss of your attention? Ugh, say it aint so!

Let me explain a little about attention, we’ll explore a few other non-meditation possibilities and then decide. Sound good?

Attention is how we actively (either consciously or subconsciously) allow into our awareness one thing and not another. We pay attention to stimuli going on outside our heads and thoughts and emotions inside our heads. Sights, sounds, and sensations (both internal and external) all vie for the limited amount of awareness we have at any given moment.

Notably, we often give preference to the sights, sounds and sensations that are the most interesting to us. Or those that are the most threatening to us!

The goal of being the boss of our attention is to cultivate one’s ability to choose what we want to attend to versus being at the whim of what our brains want or our habits choose to attend to.

So, how do we get better at choosing and sticking with what we choose?

An easy and pretty accurate way to think about attention has been to liken it to a muscle. Muscles are strengthened with use and get weak without use. Using this analogy, in order for us to be the boss of our attention we need to practice using it to strengthen it.

Some ways we can practice and strengthen our attention (without meditating) are:

1. Set a timer. When you do an activity, set a timer and only do that one activity until the timer is done. No exceptions (unless, of course, you naturally finish the activity before the timer is up.) Often we bop between activities, web pages, notification blips, straightening the rug, going to get water etc. and in doing so are constantly weakening our ability to stay focused. A gym analogy for this would be like like doing one push up, going over and doing a couple of leg presses then picking up a weight and doing a few bicep curls. Sure all those exercises may do something helpful for you physically but think of how focusing on one thing at a time would improve your efforts considerably. If you set a timer to do this a few times at work each day or with a few activities around the house each day you’ll do your reps and strengthen your attention in no time!

2. Count to 3 before you look. Another way to strengthen your attention is to disrupt the autopilot reaction you have to stimuli. You can do this by counting to 3 the next time you’re working and some other sight, sound or sensation tries to grab your attention. The practice of delaying the urge to check out everything that tries to get our attention does an amazing job at strengthening our attention. The ability to tune things out is crucial to cultivating the ability to be the boss of our attention. The caveat here, of course, is if something is grabbing your attention because it is a safety issue. In that case, autopilot is the way to go!

3. Give up the multi-tasking dream! It doesn’t work. Yep, even for you. Research has found that despite our opinions to the contrary, humans can’t multi-task. What we end up doing is switching our attention from one task to another, not doing them simultaneously and not doing them particularly well. We also lose a lot of time and effort in the process. So, in order to become the boss of our attention, we need to recognize this and stop multi-tasking. It’s a hard habit to break but try it and see if your attention doesn’t strengthen as a result!

Now you might say that attention has a biochemical component that makes it more difficult for some. And while that may be true, the keywords are ‘more difficult’. There are many things that make choosing and sustaining attention hard. Just like there are many things that make going to a gym and working out our muscles hard. That doesn’t mean we’re destined for weakness and tiny muscles. It just means that it’s going to take more effort to get to the gym and get strong.

Same with our attention. If you have a predisposition for difficulty paying attention, bump up your practice of the 3 strategies above and make it more of a priority. It may be harder or more challenging but it is possible to improve.

Follow the 3 practices above and become an attention boss…without meditating!

Do you have any strategies to add? Leave me a comment below, I’d love to hear about them.

5 Ways to Counter your Anxiety without Breaking a Sweat

Let me be blunt about this. A real long-term sustainable anxiety change requires work on our thoughts. A strategic, focused and repetitive approach to wrangling up, challenging and putting problem thoughts out to pasture has to be part of a solid anxiety treatment plan. I don’t want to pretend this isn’t critical. What I do want to convey, however, is that there are many things we can do to support our ability to address our thoughts and overcome our anxiety. Best of all, many of you will agree, they don’t require even breaking a sweat! 

Here are 5 ways we can set up our successful anxiety counterattack:

1. Belly breathe more often. Breathing is a necessity of life that usually occurs without much thought. When you breathe in air, blood cells receive oxygen and release carbon dioxide. Carbon dioxide is a waste product that is carried back through your body and exhaled. Improper breathing can upset the oxygen and carbon dioxide exchange and contribute to anxiety, panic attacks, fatigue and other physical and emotional disturbances. Most people often get into the habit of chest breathing, that is breathing in a way that expands the chest and shoulders. Typically, this is a shallow and rapid habit of breathing. In order to make sure we are fully oxygenating our bodies, properly expelling carbon dioxide and soothing our central nervous system, we need to belly breathe more. To do this, inhale slowly and deeply through your nose. Keep your shoulders relaxed. Your abdomen should expand, and your chest should rise very little. Exhale slowly through your nose or mouth as your belly pulls back in toward your spine. Repeat this as often as you think to do so. With time and practice, you’ll slowly shift from your autopilot chest breathing to this healthier way of belly breathing. 

2. Apply pressure on your wrist. Acupressure is an ancient Chinese healing method. It involves putting pressure with your fingers or the hand on certain points of your body to unblock the flow of Qi and release tension to restore inner harmony. I think we all agree, when we’re feeling anxiety we are definitely not experiencing inner harmony! The great thing about acupressure is that it is something you can do on your own so subtly that you can use this technique wherever you are when anxiety strikes. This is just one of many acupressure points to help with anxiety. Apply pressure with your thumb at the point where your wrist forms a crease with your hand. Press on the pinky side of your wrist. Hold the acupressure point for about 2 minutes, applying a generous amount of pressure. 

3. Cut down on caffeine. Okay, full disclosure, I’m writing this sipping on a coffee… But, taking anxiety and other things into account, I’ve begrudgingly figured out my caffeine limit and this coffee is my last one of the day. I’m what one might call a practical health nut. That is, I need pretty convincing and good reasons to limit things I like. Caffeine, and for me that almost entirely means coffee, definitely falls into that category. As a powerful stimulant, caffeine revs up our system and often creates physiological effects similar to anxiety: agitation, restlessness, twitching, dizziness, increased heart rate to name a few. So in order to help your anxiety without lifting a finger, simply acknowledge that caffeine may be increasing your anxiety and experiment with cutting back. 

4. Sing a song (inside your head). I stumbled into this one by accident when I was a kid visiting my cousins. My cousin Katie had a stuffed animal that sang the song “I Whistle a Happy Tune”. For some reason, I loved that song, committed it to memory and sang it (inside my head of course) whenever I felt afraid. It worked like a charm! I expanded that experience from fear of the boogeyman and continue to use that song to disrupt my looping, worrisome thoughts or to switch tracks when I catch myself overanalyzing things I just said to someone. As a little aside, it was almost 40 years later that I found out was from the popular 1950’s musical King and I. 

5. Reach out and make a social connection. One solid way to help us with mental wellbeing that ranks as high as good sleep and eating our veggies is to make and maintain connections with friends and family. Well, assuming family doesn’t totally stress you out. We are social beings and the need for a connection to others is built into our DNA. Unfortunately, and I know from experience, makes social anxiety particularly difficult. But taking time out of your busy day to catch up with a friend, join a book club and prioritize their meetings, or talk to the cashier as you’re checking out will help you with your anxiety. And totally worth turning these little connections into a routine or habit.

These 5 things aren’t the ‘silver bullet’ type of anxiety help. But they are totally in the ‘it takes a village’ type of help.

It’s easy to underestimate or blanketly dismiss this type of help without even trying. For some counterintuitive reason we tend to overvalue big, hard to do things and brush off easier things as not being worth it. If you feel like bucking the system, give these a try! You’ll be pleasantly surprised! 

5 Unusual Questions for Successful Meditation Onboarding

Welcome! I was expecting you. You’ve always struck me as the meditative type. Even so, you’ll probably need a little assistance to get up to speed. It’s not personal. These questions aren’t what people typically associate with being important to a meditation practice. 

You may be thinking, “What possibly do I need to think about in order to totally bliss out?” As it turns out, 5 critical things. Answering these will set you up for a legit long-term meditation practice. So before you even try to convince your hip flexors into that zen-like cross-legged lotus position check out the following. 

1. Know your motivation. This isn’t a riff off of Simon Sinek's, “Know your why.” It’s more basic than that. Are you being told you should do this or are you coming to meditation on your own volition? Have you tried other solutions that didn’t work? Does meditation seem like it’s the easiest thing you can do to get the results you’re looking for? Are you doing it to impress some hot so-and-so at work? Your motivation is what it is. BUT it will be extremely helpful to the success of your practice if you are honestly aware of what is driving your interest to meditate. 

2. Know your level of trust that meditation will actually help with what you’re wanting to see happen. For many, the practice of meditation seems too simple, boring, stupid (or fill in your own blank) to really be helpful. On the other hand, many think meditation is the holy grail to achieve what they’re looking for and trust it wholeheartedly. Both sides of this spectrum have their downfalls. Know your level of trust going into this. It will directly impact what your brain will ‘see’. It will also put a spotlight on where your biases, both pro and con, will influence your experience. 

3. Know your history of sticking with things that don’t show immediate results. Most of us totally stink at persisting with things that are more of a marathon than a sprint. Or we stink at sticking with things that are more subtle and nuanced than overt and plain to see. Unfortunately, meditation falls into both these categories, marathon and subtle. These aren’t problems in and of themselves, just super important to know ahead of time. Recognize your normal operating preferences and where they might be counter to what meditation offers. If needed, calibrate your expectations taking into account where you might have to do things counter to your preferences. 

4. Recall your past attempts at meditation. Dwelling on the past isn’t what we’re talking about. What we are talking about is that knowing your past can help you be more strategic in the future. Think about what your experiences with meditation were like in the past. Frustrated you couldn’t get your brain to turn off? Totally fidgety and bored after 2 minutes? Didn’t feel rested and rejuvenated after sacrificing 20 minutes of your day that you’ll never get back? Again, this beta is critical. Adjust your expectations accordingly.

5. Define specifically what ‘success’ and ‘successful timeline’ looks like for you. You gotta think about this. You may not be in the habit of thinking along these ‘specific’ lines. On the other hand, you may have pretty strong expectations and specific benefits you’re looking for. Knowing what you’re setting yourself up for will help you. Are your signs of success realistic? Is your timeline realistic? Look at your expectations here and tweak where needed. 

Meditation really does offer all the benefits you’ve read about so don’t let these questions deter you. Use the information you’ve uncovered about yourself to offset any meditation surprises that may pop up and set up a practice that will truly last.

5 Types of Meditators. Which Are You?

Here are five highly unscientific types of meditators: The Executive, The Rebel, The Caregiver, The Early Adopter, and The Questioner. Which one describes you?

1. The Executive

You are a take-charge kind of person and deal with things head on, rationally and logically. You like to get things done right the first time and often do that. You are competent and good at decision-making. You are long-range thinker who can translate your ideas into solid plans of action.

You come to meditation to help you be the best you can be. You believe your success is a result largely of your ability to think about things 24/7. So, although you understand the touted benefits of meditation, you don’t particularly want to mess with your thoughts. You are a bit cautious to interfere with what you have going on and are super close to dismissing the whole thing as a waste of time, but do it anyway because you are the driven type. And to not be able to succeed in something as basic as meditate would be, well, insulting.

2. The Rebel

You like to determine your own course of action and don’t really like being told what to do. You are motivated by a sense of freedom and self-determination. When you think about what everyone else is doing, you usually choose something else, and aren’t afraid to go it alone.

You come to meditation because you realize in order to truly be free and self-determined; you have to be more aware of how your thoughts influence you. And to do this you have to have more awareness of your thoughts in general. So, although you understand meditation is an excellent way to increase awareness, you are a bit put off by someone telling you how to meditate or doing something that seems so trendy now. But you do it anyway because no one expects you to do it.

3. The Caregiver

You are kind, conscientious, and can be depended on in a pinch. You follow through on commitments. You usually put the needs of others above your own and are extremely perceptive of other’s feelings. You are good at creating harmony and use your skills to avoid conflict. You are generally traditional and prefer to do things the established way.

You come to meditation because, truth be told, your caregiver tendencies are wearing you out. You need to find a way to recharge your own batteries in order to continuing doing the things you enjoy doing. So, although you are eager to have a meditation practice, you’re a bit unsure how you are going to fit it in because you don’t want it to come at the expense of not being there for others. But you do it anyway because you know it will help you help others better.

4. The Early Adopter

You are a risk taker, optimist and like to try new things. You thrive on information and regularly share your knowledge with other people. You are assertive and ambitious. Your opinion is respected and valued in matters when making decisions. You are able to deal with abstractness and have a favorable attitude toward change.

You come to meditation because you know it is the enlightened thing to do. Although it is 5000 years old, it is still a pretty new practice around these parts and you want to be in on it. So, although you are on board with starting a meditation practice, you are a bit worried it is going to make you soft or take away your assertive and ambitious edge. But you do it anyway because just because you weren’t the first, you don’t want to be the last one getting on the meditation train.

5. The Questioner

You are curious and enjoy a more introspective approach to things. You like to learn about “why” things are the way they are and are always looking for the deeper meaning of things. You have an enviable ability to hold a lot of complex and sometime competing concepts in your head.

You come to meditation looking for answers. You see meditation as a vehicle to deepening your understanding the metaphysical nature of life. So, although meditation is right up your alley, you’re a bit skeptical to do the same thing as people who are doing it to up their creativity quotient or calm themselves down. But you do it anyway because you just can’t help yourself.

The Secret Coffee Meditation No One Talks About

Who: You and anyone else who wants to start a meditation practice that will stick.

What: The Coffee Meditation. It’s simply meditating on your couch or overstuffed living room chair (or any other upright comfortable position) with a hot mug of coffee in your hands.

Why: Because you’ll actually do it.

When: First thing in the morning before everyone gets up. Or whenever it works for your schedule. The key to the success of this meditation is to personalize it so it fits your life in a way that you’ll do it.

How: Pour yourself a cup of coffee (or tea if you’re a tea drinker). Sit in a comfortable spot. Hold your coffee firmly on your lap or set it down beside you. Set your alarm for however many minutes you want to meditate. Start meditating. Feel free to take sips from your coffee during this meditation. When you drink, turn your attention onto your coffee. After your yummy sip, turn it back to your breath or however else you are meditating.

Repeat each day.

Let me know if you have a secret coffee meditation. Coffee meditators of the world unite! :-)

5 Proven (by me) and Unconventional Ways to Use Meditation

enefits and Unconventional Ways to Use Meditation.

1. To pass time in a boring meeting. Let's face it, not all meetings are created equal so when you find yourself in one that’s wasting your time, use it to get your daily meditation in. The beauty of meditation is that it is available whenever you want. If you get in the routine of focusing on your breath while keeping your eyes open, you can be looking at the person who’s speaking, be meditating, and impressing your boss for paying attention at the same time!

2. To ease into the day when I'm tired. My routine for a while now has been to get up at 5am, feed my dog, and do my meditation (with my morning coffee. You can read about that here). On most days I am okay with that routine. Actually, it’s pretty darn good. But there are definitely days when I'm sorry I allowed my dog’s breakfast expectation to be so early! On those days, when I'm a bit sleepy and resistant to embracing the morning, my meditation time eases me into it. If I happen to lose focus on my breath and doze off, well, I get a few bonus zzzz’s and call it good.

3. To get out of running when I don’t feel like running. Meditation has such strong scientific backing regarding its benefits that I am totally okay with substituting a long meditation for a long run. I must admit that I miss the runner’s high and the nice feeling of a physically worked out body, but other than that sometimes it is just the ticket I’m looking for!

4. To feel like I’m kin to all the great meditating ones that came before me and all the great meditating ones that are practicing here today. I know, that is so ego-filled that it almost hurts to write...but it’s true. Sometimes the extrinsic motivation I get via comparison works for me. So I go with it. The people I most admire and aspire to be like have regular contemplative practices and, well thanks to my healthy ego, so do I.

5. To know what I’m talking about and be better at my job. I help people overcome their anxiety. It’s my passion and my job. Awareness of our inner dialogue is key to making massive changes in this area. So, I encourage people to do this by starting a meditation practice. And because sooo many people have no desire to have a meditation practice, I need to know what I’m talking about so I can really sell it!

There you have ‘em. 5 unconventional ways to use meditation. I share them because the more creative we are in cultivating a meditation practice, the more likely we are to continue it over the long run. And over the long run is where it’s at!